TULA

Ang tulang ito ay para sa mga takot.
Takot magmahal, takot masaktan, at takot maiwan.

Ga? Asan kana?
Naka uwi kana ba?
Gabi na!
Asan ka ba?

Pa ulit ulit… Pa ulit ulit… Pa ulit ulit na nalang ba…

Asan ka ba?

Nandito ako, kasama ko siya.

Hindi na ako magtatanong pa. Dahil yun palang alam ko na.

Alam ko na na masaya ka dahil sa kanya.
Alam ko na na hindi mo ako kailangan dahil nandyan na siya.
Alam ko na na kaya mo akong tiisin kasi nga kasama mo siya.
Alam ko na. Di mo na kailangan pang ipag kaila.

Alam ko na ang mga mata mo ay nag niningning kapag nakikita mo siya.
Alam ko na ang mga ngiti mo ay sing tamis nang asukal kapag kasama mo siya.
Alam ko na parang kay dali ng oras na para bang ayaw mo ng natapos ito pag kayoy magkasama.
Alam ko na kaibigan mulang siya.

Pero Ga, tama na. Alam ko na.

Natatakot na ako.

Natatakot akong magmahal sayo.
Ay hindi! Mas natatakot akong magising sa araw araw…
Dahil sa bawat pag dating ng bukas ay mas mina mahal at minamahal at minamahal kita.

Natatakot ako sa bukas dahil natatakot akong masaktan.
Ay hindi! Mas natatakot akong nakikita kitang masaya ka, hindi dahil kasama mo ako kundi kasama mo siya.

Natatakot ako sa bukas na nakikita kang masaya, dahil natatakot ako na iwanan mo. Ay hindi! Mali na naman. Mas natatakot ako na magising ka sa katotohanan na hindi mo na ako kailangan.

Ga ang tulang ito ay hindi alay para sa iyo.
Hindi ako takot magmahal, hindi ako takot masaktan, at mas lalong hindi ako takot ma-iwan.

Mas takot ako na dumating ang bukas, bukas na masaya ka na walang ako, bukas na akoy hindi na ako ang kailangan mo.

Kung magsuslat man ako ng tula para sa iyo.

Ga, papamagatan ko ito ng Sana bukas ako parin, Sana bukas tayo parin, Sana bukas akin ka parin.

๐ŸŒพ๐ŸŒพ๐ŸŒพ๐ŸŒพ๐ŸŒพ๐ŸŒพ๐ŸŒพ๐ŸŒพ๐ŸŒพ๐ŸŒพ๐ŸŒพ๐ŸŒพ๐ŸŒพ๐ŸŒพ๐ŸŒพ๐ŸŒพ๐ŸŒพ

credits photo : https://angelesdeluna.tumblr.com/post/169571370345

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Loving a depressed person๐Ÿ˜ข

Today I realized that loving a person with depression is hard. I myself suffered from it. Those were the times I cry myslef to sleep. Do you remember? I also cried in your shoulders. You often say “I’m sorry” or sometimes also cry with me. Those moments where you just stood by my side – being the only human being as my stronghold, I am very grateful. I couldve been dead by now if it werent for you. You did good. You did great. And now its my time to stand and be strong for you. I never knew how much you suffered just because I’m suffering. I never knew my suicidal thoughts is also killing you. No wonder you cry when I cry. I thought you only pity me, never knew I’m hurting you. Everytime you open up about your depression, I am left speechless. It’s not because I have nothing to say but I am just afraid that I might say something you don’t like to hear. That it may become a reason to build your depression much deeper. I’m afraid I might lose you because of it. Now I realized why you often say sorry to me before. You always say sorry for you don’t know what to do to help me. I always assure you that your presence is enough. It’s true, being with you just makes me forget everything. I feel safe, happy, and contented. I see hope and I feel it. And now it’s my turn. I never knew it was this hard. The pain in knowing that you are suffering but I can’t do anything to ease it, is killing me. If only I could take those burden away. If only I could carry those for you. I feel like I am a much better sufferer and you are far much better healer than me. You always know how to make me happy. Now I am questioning myself, do I really know you? Do I really know you that I don’t even know how to cheer you up! Is this what you felt when I was depressed? Sorry if I put you into so much suffering my love. Sorry for thinking in killing myself and not thought about what will hapoen to those I left behind. But even so, you did great. You did well.
Today we talkes about your depression, your suicidal thoughts. Again, I became speechless. But I guess my eyes said it all. And I hope it will reach your heart. You said you will try your best. I hope that my life,my time, and my love will be enough reason for you to carry on because yours are. We are not the same. I know you cope up with things differently. It’s okay if I will not be enough for you to be the first priority. It’s okay if I will not be enough for you to marry and spend the rest of your life. It’s even okay if you end up loving someone in the future and forget about me. As long as you promise to stay alive and live your life. I’d give up anything just to see you smile genuinely everyday. Fuck! I can even give you my life.
Coz what is living when I can’t even see you happy.

๐ŸŒผ๐ŸŒผ๐ŸŒผ๐ŸŒผ๐ŸŒผ๐ŸŒผ๐ŸŒผ๐ŸŒผ๐ŸŒผ๐ŸŒผ๐ŸŒผ๐ŸŒผ๐ŸŒผ๐ŸŒผ๐ŸŒผ๐ŸŒผ๐ŸŒผ

credits photo : https://i.pinimg.com/originals/05/33/50/053350a8ccfaa9ec759f2c01ca6296ee.jpg

May mahal bang hindi pinipili?

Naisipan kong magsulat ng tula.

Isang Mensahe’ng tatagos sa puso mo.

Maikling sulat na magpapagising sa mahimbing mong tulog.

Tingnan mo ako – ito ang unang linyang isusulat ko.

Tingnan mo ang mga mata ko,

nakatitig ito parati sa iyo- habang

nakangiti kang tinatanaw ang babae –

ang babaeng kaibigan mo.

Ang pangalawang linya sa tulang ito

ay – Tingnan mo naman ako.

Pinagluto kita, ang sabi mo okay lang.

Masarap ba? Okay lang.

Gusto mo ba? Okay lang.

Nag ayos ako, nag lagay ng palamuti at

kung anu anu sa mukha ko.

Pero tinanong mo lang ako.

Bakit mo yan ginagawa? Sino ba ang

pinapagandahan mo? Hindi naman

nagbago mukha mo dahil nag ayos

ka, sabay tawa.

Tumawa din ako. Nakakatawa kasi

dahil siya nakikita mo na kaibigan mo

lang habang narito ako, kasintahan

mo, parang di mo napapansin.

Sagutin mo ako- panimula sa ikatlon

linya.

Sagutin mo ako mahal?

Ano bang klaseng kaibigan si tina?

Ngumiti ka, nagningning ang iyong

mga mata.

Ang nasundan ito ng kayrami raming

magagandang katangian.

Tinanong kita?

Ako mahal?

Ano nakikita mo sa akin?

Natawa ka, nag isip ng malalim,

pero wala kang nasabi.

Okay lang, ang importante mahal mo

ako – yan ang sabi ko sayo para di

kana mahirapan pang mag isip.

Patawad mahal,

ngumiti ako,

okay lang,

okay lang.

Mahal- ito ang pang apat at huling

linya ng tula.

Mahal?

Mahal mo ba siya?

Tumawa ka ulit at sinabi mong hindi

nga.

Mahal.

Pumili ka.

Ako o siya?

Masaya ako dahil alam kung ako.

Dahil alam kung mahal mo ako.

Alam kung ako ang mahal mo.

Kaya alam kung ako ang pipiliin mo.

Pero mahal. Bakit ganon?

Bakit siya ang pinili mo?

Bakit ako ang iniwan mo?

Bakit natapos ang tayo?

Akala ko ba ako?

Ako lang mahal mo?

May mahal bang hindi pinipili?

………………………………………………………………

credits photo: https://www.pinterest.ph/pin/428334614554293647/

I want to die…

There will be a point of your life where you’ll realized that no one loves you, not even yourself.

There will be a time where each person you cared and loved for will turn it’s back on you and will never even look at you.

When that time comes, everything around you will crumble.

Your heart will hurt.

You won’t even be able to properly breath.

Your body will feel heavy.

And when you try to cry, no tears will come out.

You will be full of regrets, resentment, sadness, anger, guilt, and disappointments.

And in that moment you will search for a painless suicide to end your life.

I AM USELESS. I DON’T DESERVE TO LIVE.

And after all the hopelessness that you have felt.

You’ll begin to cry.

The pillow is now soaked with all things you have kept inside.

Then you fell asleep – hoping and dreaming you will die.

โšซโšซโšซโšซโšซโšซโšซโšซโšซโšซโšซโšซโšซโšซโšซโšซโšซโšซโšซโšซโšซโšซโšซโšซโšซโšซ

credits (photo): https://www.pinterest.com/pin/368802656982186069/

Living Statue

I’m in the midst of understanding, the battle that I am fighting.

I hold no weapon.

No metal engraved for my own protection.

What I have is my flesh.

And a missing soul.

I want to understand.

To know.

To see.

I want to fight.

But what for?

I’m dying.

I’m losing.

It seems that everyday.

The world pierce me deep within my heart.

Deeper and deeper.

Bigger and bigger.

Until I felt nothing but nothingness.

I grew numb.

No love.

No hope.

Nothing.

Maybe just a little bit of bitterness I guess.

Maybe a bit of it, I wish.

But now I have seen.

There’s now a living statue born inside of me.

โœณโœณโœณโœณโœณโœณโœณโœณโœณโœณโœณโœณโœณโœณโœณโœณโœณโœณโœณโœณโœณโœณโœณโœณโœณ

credits (photo): https://www.pinterest.com/pin/44121271324043789/

Please don’t forget to like and follow for updates. Trulalalalalal Fun Fun Fuuuun…

Nostalgic Raindrops

We met. Tip. Top. Tip. Top.

Raindrops fell from sky.

A million tiny wet pops.

That came from way up high.

‘Twas that rainy season.

‘Twas thay cold windy day.

I came to know a person.

I have loved since and till today.

We shared cute little moments.

And shared each others life.

We gazed the “us” tomorrow.

And said “it’s a forever with you and I”

My eyes came teary open.

As life unfolds the truth.

Thay you my love is just an illusion.

A dream. A nightmare. A lie.

I took the risk and loved you still.

My soul and mind I offered.

As it begins, I clearly knew.

My heart will break and shatter.

I patiently waited for things to change.

But it seems there’ll be no chance at all.

As I moved on and lay my flesh to rest.

It was always you I reminisce.

I miss the way you cared for me.

The us and what was used to be.

I wished to travel back from that exact point of time.

Where we met. Tip. Top. Tip. Top.

When raindrops fell from sky.

๐ŸŒ€โ˜”โ˜”โ˜”โ˜”โ˜”โ˜”โ˜”โ˜”โ˜”โ˜”โ˜”โ˜”โ˜”โ˜”โ˜”๐ŸŒ€

Credits: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/94434923416668039/

Please like and follow. Hope you all enjoy this!

Trulalalallala fun fun fuuun…๐Ÿ’ง๐Ÿ’ง๐Ÿ’ง

You are mine

You were a distant fantasy, I say.

Wishing I could hold those cold sligthly callused hands.

Dreaming about kissing those red pinkish lips.

But I knew you are a prince that will never be mine.

And a ugly commoner I will forever remain.

As I am close to capitulate the love that I’d die for to exist.

In my slumber, where I can freely speak.

I entreat, “love me”.

Oh please do!

In that day where the sky is dark, I witnessed no shooting star.

In that night where everything around me is as black as the crow, I have found no fountain to wish upon.

Amidst of all the impossibility, how come my prince you kneeled down infront of me.

The bare hands I long wanted to hold offered me a golden box that could make me shed a millions tears of joy and pain.

It’s a heart. Your heart.

A heart beating for me.

With no doubt, you hold my hands and kiss my lips light.

And there I am, standing with a speechless blank mind.

Im astonished that made me unable to speak a word.

A miracle.

The heavens answered my plea.

You pulled me closer and that woke me up.

I was about to ask you why.

But the you whispered.

“I am yours”

I shut my eyes close as if all of this is just a dream.

But no. I AM NOT DREAMING.

I smiled.

Looked at him in the eye,

and answered,

“Yes, You are mine”.

๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’™

For my darling, my love, my langga.

I love you๐Ÿ’‹

Credits for the photo: ohhappyday.com/2017/02/giant-ombre-heart-balloon-backdrop/

I can’t stop crying.

I want to cry no more.

When I met you, I have never expected that you’d be this important.

I didn’t knew I’d love you this hard.

When we started dating, I wasn’t even so sure if you are the one.

but there will be a point of time that each of us will realize things.

and my time has come.

A moment of my life where I chose to let go of you.

I never realize how strongly independent I am to you ’till you’re not within my reach.

I cried.

I cried.

I cried –

cried ’till I could reach your heart again.

And this is the point of time where I also realize.

I’m still crying.

I may have reached your hands now but it can never cover up the fact that I will never reach your heart again.

And for that, I will always keep on crying.

๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’”

credits to pinterest for the picture:https://www.pinterest.com/pin/466896686354257644/

Favorite Songs

Hello My followers!!!!!! and readers!!!!! hahahahhahah so today I’ll be sharing songs I like from the past few months of heartbreaks and pains. So let’s get started!!

Title: You are the reason (why Calum! Why break our hearts ๐Ÿ˜ฆ )

Title: Dancing On My Own (Calcum’s Version) (okay where’d you put those onions guys!)

This song is from Calcum Scott debut album “Only Human”

Credits: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShZ978fBl6Y

 

True Version of Dancing on My Own is from Robyn (raaaaaaaawr)

Credits: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcNo07Xp8aQ

Little Do You Know by Alex and Sierra (my heart huhuhuhu ๐Ÿ˜ฆ )

Credits: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bzIpYiPUUo

IDGAF by Dua Lipa (ugh so strooooooong! waaaaaah!! hahahhahahha)

Credits: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mgfe5tIwOj0

 

That’s all for now! Ciao’!!!

Credits Photo:ย https://www.google.com.ph/search?q=music&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjX_Jfci_jZAhUI5bwKHUL8BNoQ_AUICygC#imgrc=ptNru-iY-zffxM:

MAHAL

Mahal.

Kung matatapos ba ang buhay ko sa araw na ito, matututo kana bang panindigan ako?

Kaya mo na bang mabuhay na ako lang ang tanging kaibigan na nag papasaya sayo?

Maliban sa Ina at kapatid.

Kaya mo na bang talikuran lahat ng babaeng maaring magpatibok ng puso mo?

Kung mawawala ako, papayag ka na bang maging ikaw at ako?

Papayag ka na ba na kumain ng tanghali.an araw araw kasama ko?

Kakainin mo naba ang luto ko na walang halong pagkadismaya?

Sa tuwing nag tatampo ako, hindi mo na ba ako iiwan at pababayaan?
Papasayahin mo ba ako hanggang makangiti ulit ako at wala ng galit?

Pag tatalon ba ako ngayon sa pinaka mataas na palapag.

Pag ininum ko ba itong dalawampung medesina.

Pag ba ang leeg ko ay nakatali sa punong narra.

At pag ba ang hininga ko ay tapos na.

Makikita mo ba mahal na iniibig kita?

Makikita mo ba na nandito lang ako nakasupporta?

Makikita mo pa ang pagod, pawis at pagmamahal sa luto ko?

Makikita mo ba na nasasaktan ako?
Makikita mo ba na wala akong ibang hiniling kundi kasiyahan mo?

Makikita mo ba na gusto kung sabihin mo na ayaw mo na kung talagang ayaw mo na?

Makikita mo ba na binibigyan mo lang ako ng pag-asa?

Makikita mo ba na unti unti mo akong pinapatay?

Makikita mo ba ang luha sa mata?

Pag mawawala ba ako mahal?

Sapat naba lahat ng ginawa ko?

Sapat naba ako?


Hello fellow readers! It’s been a while. This post is for my Filipino followers so you might not understand it because it was in Tagalaog (Filipino). I will be posting some other things soon so please follow and like to keep updated!

Credits: for the photo – https://www.pinterest.com/pin/364932376032781572/

PS: DO NOT GOOGLE TRANSLATE HAHAHAHAHAHAHA