I have to see you again๐ŸŒพ

I have to see you again.

Maybe by then I’ll find closure.

Maybe by then I’ll realize that we really couldn’t be together.

Maybe by then I’ll stop hoping for you to love me back.

I have to see you again and maybe I’ll find other flaws I will hate about you, other things you are interested to that I couldn’t understand, other words that I will find offensive and disrespectful, other parts of you that I couldn’t love.

I have to see you again and maybe it will hurt more that my heart will finally surrender.

Maybe it will finally consume me that my body and mind will finally give up.

I have to see you again and maybe after that, I’ll write one last prose, one last poem, one last goodbye and then I’ll finally and truly let you go.

Maybe this time your lips will taste stale, your embrace will feel cold, your eyes will look dull, your scent will smell awful, and your voice will sound like the songs I hate.

Maybe this time my chest won’t survive the explosion of my emotions and the next day, I’ll be reincarnated to a different body wondering why I ever loved you.



I dont know ho wrote this but it’s very painful not to share. I really like this poem๐Ÿ˜Š Hope ya’ll like it too๐Ÿ˜˜

photo credits: https://www.pinterest.ph/pin/421227371380975488/

Life and Death

You are life. You are death.


It is when you lovingly hold me and kiss my forehead.

It is when you whispher I love you to my sad soul.

It is when I caught you staring at me and you just smile whenever our eyes met.

It is when you rest your head in my hands as if you have found your peace.

It is when you wipe my sweat away from around my eys to my nose.

It is when you hold my hand and kept me away from the direction of cars whenever we cross the street.

It’s the little things love.


It is when I have to remind myself these things whenever you chooses her over me.

I knew that even before the game start, she will win.

But you know what?

I will give it a try.

I will make you mine even if you already are.

I may have you physically but deep down I dont have your heart.

I will fight for you, for us.

Maybe by that way I will feel numb.

And maybe by then.

You will be neither be my life nor death.

You will be nothing.๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ

Sorry for random updates. I have been busy becauase of work. Lot of Corona Virus๐Ÿ˜ข๐Ÿ˜ข๐Ÿ˜ข Keep safe everyone.

credits photo: https://www.pinterest.ph/pin/803962970961504485/

I wrote –

It’s almost three in the morning just thinking what to write.

I feel how my eyes wants to doze off caused by sleepiness but my mind wants to scream awake.

Maybe because I am thinking about you or what you have become.

I am wondering if you were like that from the beginning or is it because you outgrew me.

I was thinking of how warm you are to me that I can describe you as home then suddenly you were so cold that I thought Im lost.

I was just remembering how you shed tears in the thoughts of hurting me and never did I know that imaginations of future mistakes is more hurtful for you rather than when its happening infront of your eyes.

I can never imagine ignoring you if I knew you are crying yourself to sleep unless I care no more.

I really wanted to write something with an intro and an ending but I ended up writing about my pain and heartache.

I wrote “YOU”.


credits to photo: https://www.google.com/search?q=girl+sadly+looking+at+boy+pinyerest&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwiR_oqIkO_kAhU1NaYKHUwAC5IQ2-cCegQIABAC&oq=girl+sadly+looking+at+boy+pinyerest&gs_l=mobile-gws-wiz-img.3..33i10.1573.3847..4467…0.0..0.197.1638.0j10……0….1………30i10.VsvZwaigSWk&ei=cASNXZGGM7XqmAXMgKyQCQ&client=ms-android-oppo&prmd=ivn#imgrc=SfJ-oL4ppAwsdM&imgdii=Hhxfd6b0gGBm_M


When I was young I would like to have the power of invisibility.

And now, I am a human ghost.

I don’t know if people can see me.

I don’t know if they can hear me.

Am I a ghost and I didn’t realize it yet?

Do I have such small voice that they don’t answer when I ask something.

Am I that annoying that they tend to ignore me?

Is everything I say irrelevant and nonsense that they don’t care to answer?

Am I really a human ghost?

When I was young I love to have a power of invisibility.

But now, I didn’t know it can hurt this much.


Credits to photo: https://www.google.com/search?q=invisible+girl+pinterest&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwjI547ji-_kAhUDIqYKHYfuBOQQ2-cCegQIABAC&oq=invisible+girl+pinterest&gs_l=mobile-gws-wiz-img.3…24902.27633..27826…0.0..0.185.1511.0j10……0….1………0i67j0j0i8i30j0i24j30i10j33i10.LZiciX7ngmk&ei=8f-MXYirIoPEmAWH3ZOgDg&client=ms-android-oppo&prmd=ivsn#imgrc=A4ITjP2cXPOwYM


Do you remember the moment where we stood infront the colorful sunset – smile in our faces and peace in our hearts?

I spoke, ” I want to build my house here”.

You asked why.

I uttered how I want to see this beautiful scenery everyday despite how dusty the place is and its lack of trees.

You want yours at the beach.

It’s been years since we grew apart.

I still want that lot tho, not because of the scenery but because it reminds me of you.

You already found home in her and together – the two of you, will build that dream at the beach.

And as for me, I will stay here at the desert like place – enjoying the sunset, reminiscing what we once had.


photo credits: https://unsplash.com/@hamidkhaleghi


At the top of the hill where the wind brushes my face, I heard a voice that made me shatter.

A still small voice from deep within the heart, that even so small, it made my eyes water.

It went to my ears then unto my heart and I thought maybe it went to my chest blocking the air that enables me to breath.

I also thought that maybe it went to my stomach cause all I feel is butterflies of pain.

I am no one’s treasure you said.

Tho its a small voice, I heard it loud and clear as if you were shouting it inside me.

Maybe its because I’m no special being that what I feel about you doesnt count.

Or maybe I’m no human to you.

Because if I’m that, maybe I wouldnt feel this worthless piece of shit and not just a mere hindrance to you.


credits: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/be/39/3b/be393b5cd08492447c3baabf839146e1.jpg


There was a crumpled paper on the floor.
It was tossed and used by so many people.
It was never made to be loved and cared for.
The crumpled paper is satisfied by just being in that floor.

In that floor she will remain unnoticed.
In that floor she will disappoint no one anymore.
In that floor, tho hidden, she will remain whole and not torn.
At least in that floor she found solace.

But one day, she was seen by some guy.
A guy noticed her from that dark and dusty floor.
The guy picked her up and made use of her.
The guy made the paper happy once in her life.

Since that happened, the guy and the crumpled paper was inseparable.
They eat together – sing together – laugh together – cry together – and love together – I mean, each other.

It seems no ending.
It was such a happy life.
But somethings are just not meant to stay forever.
The crumpled paper’s destiny was to rot and die alone.
And now, she will pay every ounce of happiness with amountful of pain, longer than her life.

But if in her pain she will see the guy grow and find its way to happiness.
Then that pain is worth having.

Its been such a happy life with you and I really dont want to let you go.
But if it means that by staying beside you will only bring endless suffering, then I have to set you free.

Not a special girl but just a crumpled paper you picked from the floor.

PS.dont feel sorry for me.


Credits: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/1b/de/3c/1bde3c85e9afec23a84eccaf72a3a6b1.jpg

My Time Table

I am currently feeling down and I thought, why not write about it?
Sometimes writing about your pain and joy adds up to a very exquisite piece of work. Someting thay you may look back that you could say, wow!, I wrote this? hahaha So here it goes.

Today I have been scrolling through facebook and I stumbled upon a very happy post. It is about my former schoolmate who happened to have passed a licensure exam for medical technology. I am happy ofcourse! Its good to know that their tears and hardship paid off and now they are starting a new chapter of their life. I have seen them in such pain to just to be where they are now. I can truly say I have felt the victory that they are feeling right now. But theres a part that mourns for me. I have been optimistic by the past years. I have been denying that being left out by the phase of life is not affecting me. It does. How could such person feel nothing about it? It’s true that we have our own time. But do I really have my own time? or maybe what I’m doing is not enough thats why Im left alone to where I am now. I realize why I love games so much. If only life is like a game that when you fuck it up you’ll just have to start over again without being judged, without having the feeling that you have been left out, without pain, without anything bad at all.


It’s been a long time! Thank you for always being with me guys๐Ÿ’› Sending you heartful thank you’s !!!!๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•

credits for photo: https://www.beyondbright.com.au/potters-91cm-wall-clock

Girl Gamer ๐ŸŽฎ

I like playing games, may it be in the phone or those computer ones.
I like those ones where you could compete and team up with other players. I like talking to people I cannot see because I’m a very shy person and I lack socializing skills. I’m not a good player and sometimes killed first in shooting games but I still enjoyed it. But yesterday I am very disappointed. I am a girl and it’s natural when boys from the game carry you like a baby (you know what I mean). I am very grateful by that and it does really helped me a lot to level up easily. So back to the story, there was this little boy who keeps on saying that he could handle all three people without dying or knocked out (well maybe that could be true, but I am not him). Someone from the group asked me of I’m still watching and I answered; ” yep still here, even tho I’m kinda annoyed by the kid from the group”. The kid then answered; “who you calling a kid huh?!”. Then I laughed and said; “see?, that kid”. Just to clarify, I dont bully kids in games as long as youre humble and kind and to tell you, I have a lot of friends in the game who I team up with that is in it’s 12th year old and up. They are all cute and kind and very humble and also good too. So back to the story, I was laughing when this kid told me to just quit because I have no help for the group and he was better and stuff like that. So I was just laughing and teased him saying; ” bata, bata, bata” which means kid, kid, kid or something like that. Then one of our team mates says that we are so noisy so I just stop laughing and shut up. But then this kid said that I left because I’m crying of what I just said but damn boy if I really did cried? It was tears of joy because he was so annoyed when I told him his a kid, which is true. So I just told him that I’m still here watching them. But then this one boy in the group told me to just quit because I became angry with the little kid just coz I died first. And I’m like whaaat?! First I am not angry. Second I died first and still not angry. And he kept telling me that girls should not play those kind of stuff that I should plau barbie and that kind of stuff. And damn I was speechless. Like seriously?! I did not say a word and just left the group. I want to speak up for myself that time but I remember that this is just a game and people who speaks like that are those people who live a life behind screens and it’s their sense of fulfillment when they bash and say hurtful words to others. I pity them. I didnt answer for it may hurt them and might destroy them. I dont want to do something they are doing because I dont want to be like them. But guys?! Really?! A girl can play games if she wants to. A girl can sometimes want shooting games rather than playing barbies. A girl can compete even to men ( I played the game ROS-solo mode and got chicken dinner). Games are not for boys only. Games are for fun, not a life.


photo credits: https://www.google.com.ph/search?q=girl+gamer+photos&client=ms-android-oppo&prmd=ivn&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj1rOW2oa7dAhVDKY8KHWnTAhsQ_AUIESgB&biw=360&bih=566#imgrc=cJdzjff59nQDlM:

Love Once Lost

Do people really place more value on a love that was once lost then found again?

Those were the lines I have heard from the lady in a famous Taiwan series.

And I agreed. I treasured them so much than before. But as I think of it. I am wrong.

The pain. The mistakes. The tears. The heartaches. They will all come back to hunt you.

You forgive and tries to forget. But the heart never forgets. It will make you feel the pain all over again. You will remember how broken you are. And you will regret it. But you will never leave.

It will last longer than before but it will never be the same.


photo credits: https://www.google.com.ph/search?client=ms-android-oppo&biw=360&bih=306&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=yD2VW-KnHIf-vgTMs5TICQ&ins=true&q=yao+yao+ma+van+as+illustrations+hd&oq=yao+yao+ma+van+as+illustrations+hd&gs_l=mobile-gws-wiz-img.3…45296.45910..46122…0.0..0.166.459.0j3……0….1.MUg8gO7fnOw#imgrc=XOs9nKWDazeuwM: