NOT HUMAN

At the top of the hill where the wind brushes my face, I heard a voice that made me shatter.

A still small voice from deep within the heart, that even so small, it made my eyes water.

It went to my ears then unto my heart and I thought maybe it went to my chest blocking the air that enables me to breath.

I also thought that maybe it went to my stomach cause all I feel is butterflies of pain.

I am no one’s treasure you said.

Tho its a small voice, I heard it loud and clear as if you were shouting it inside me.

Maybe its because I’m no special being that what I feel about you doesnt count.

Or maybe I’m no human to you.

Because if I’m that, maybe I wouldnt feel this worthless piece of shit and not just a mere hindrance to you.

🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼

credits: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/be/39/3b/be393b5cd08492447c3baabf839146e1.jpg

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CRUMPLED PAPER

There was a crumpled paper on the floor.
It was tossed and used by so many people.
It was never made to be loved and cared for.
The crumpled paper is satisfied by just being in that floor.

In that floor she will remain unnoticed.
In that floor she will disappoint no one anymore.
In that floor, tho hidden, she will remain whole and not torn.
At least in that floor she found solace.

But one day, she was seen by some guy.
A guy noticed her from that dark and dusty floor.
The guy picked her up and made use of her.
The guy made the paper happy once in her life.

Since that happened, the guy and the crumpled paper was inseparable.
They eat together – sing together – laugh together – cry together – and love together – I mean, each other.

It seems no ending.
It was such a happy life.
But somethings are just not meant to stay forever.
The crumpled paper’s destiny was to rot and die alone.
And now, she will pay every ounce of happiness with amountful of pain, longer than her life.

But if in her pain she will see the guy grow and find its way to happiness.
Then that pain is worth having.

Its been such a happy life with you and I really dont want to let you go.
But if it means that by staying beside you will only bring endless suffering, then I have to set you free.

Love,
Not a special girl but just a crumpled paper you picked from the floor.

PS.dont feel sorry for me.

👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋

Credits: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/1b/de/3c/1bde3c85e9afec23a84eccaf72a3a6b1.jpg

My Time Table

I am currently feeling down and I thought, why not write about it?
Sometimes writing about your pain and joy adds up to a very exquisite piece of work. Someting thay you may look back that you could say, wow!, I wrote this? hahaha So here it goes.

Today I have been scrolling through facebook and I stumbled upon a very happy post. It is about my former schoolmate who happened to have passed a licensure exam for medical technology. I am happy ofcourse! Its good to know that their tears and hardship paid off and now they are starting a new chapter of their life. I have seen them in such pain to just to be where they are now. I can truly say I have felt the victory that they are feeling right now. But theres a part that mourns for me. I have been optimistic by the past years. I have been denying that being left out by the phase of life is not affecting me. It does. How could such person feel nothing about it? It’s true that we have our own time. But do I really have my own time? or maybe what I’m doing is not enough thats why Im left alone to where I am now. I realize why I love games so much. If only life is like a game that when you fuck it up you’ll just have to start over again without being judged, without having the feeling that you have been left out, without pain, without anything bad at all.

🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿

It’s been a long time! Thank you for always being with me guys💛 Sending you heartful thank you’s !!!!😘💕💕💕💕

credits for photo: https://www.beyondbright.com.au/potters-91cm-wall-clock

Girl Gamer 🎮

I like playing games, may it be in the phone or those computer ones.
I like those ones where you could compete and team up with other players. I like talking to people I cannot see because I’m a very shy person and I lack socializing skills. I’m not a good player and sometimes killed first in shooting games but I still enjoyed it. But yesterday I am very disappointed. I am a girl and it’s natural when boys from the game carry you like a baby (you know what I mean). I am very grateful by that and it does really helped me a lot to level up easily. So back to the story, there was this little boy who keeps on saying that he could handle all three people without dying or knocked out (well maybe that could be true, but I am not him). Someone from the group asked me of I’m still watching and I answered; ” yep still here, even tho I’m kinda annoyed by the kid from the group”. The kid then answered; “who you calling a kid huh?!”. Then I laughed and said; “see?, that kid”. Just to clarify, I dont bully kids in games as long as youre humble and kind and to tell you, I have a lot of friends in the game who I team up with that is in it’s 12th year old and up. They are all cute and kind and very humble and also good too. So back to the story, I was laughing when this kid told me to just quit because I have no help for the group and he was better and stuff like that. So I was just laughing and teased him saying; ” bata, bata, bata” which means kid, kid, kid or something like that. Then one of our team mates says that we are so noisy so I just stop laughing and shut up. But then this kid said that I left because I’m crying of what I just said but damn boy if I really did cried? It was tears of joy because he was so annoyed when I told him his a kid, which is true. So I just told him that I’m still here watching them. But then this one boy in the group told me to just quit because I became angry with the little kid just coz I died first. And I’m like whaaat?! First I am not angry. Second I died first and still not angry. And he kept telling me that girls should not play those kind of stuff that I should plau barbie and that kind of stuff. And damn I was speechless. Like seriously?! I did not say a word and just left the group. I want to speak up for myself that time but I remember that this is just a game and people who speaks like that are those people who live a life behind screens and it’s their sense of fulfillment when they bash and say hurtful words to others. I pity them. I didnt answer for it may hurt them and might destroy them. I dont want to do something they are doing because I dont want to be like them. But guys?! Really?! A girl can play games if she wants to. A girl can sometimes want shooting games rather than playing barbies. A girl can compete even to men ( I played the game ROS-solo mode and got chicken dinner). Games are not for boys only. Games are for fun, not a life.

👓👓👓👓👓👓👓👓👓👓👓👓👓👓👓👓👓

photo credits: https://www.google.com.ph/search?q=girl+gamer+photos&client=ms-android-oppo&prmd=ivn&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj1rOW2oa7dAhVDKY8KHWnTAhsQ_AUIESgB&biw=360&bih=566#imgrc=cJdzjff59nQDlM:

Love Once Lost

Do people really place more value on a love that was once lost then found again?

Those were the lines I have heard from the lady in a famous Taiwan series.

And I agreed. I treasured them so much than before. But as I think of it. I am wrong.

The pain. The mistakes. The tears. The heartaches. They will all come back to hunt you.

You forgive and tries to forget. But the heart never forgets. It will make you feel the pain all over again. You will remember how broken you are. And you will regret it. But you will never leave.

It will last longer than before but it will never be the same.

🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱

photo credits: https://www.google.com.ph/search?client=ms-android-oppo&biw=360&bih=306&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=yD2VW-KnHIf-vgTMs5TICQ&ins=true&q=yao+yao+ma+van+as+illustrations+hd&oq=yao+yao+ma+van+as+illustrations+hd&gs_l=mobile-gws-wiz-img.3…45296.45910..46122…0.0..0.166.459.0j3……0….1.MUg8gO7fnOw#imgrc=XOs9nKWDazeuwM:

Broken Trust

My boyfriends brother

I don’t understand. I want to but I don’t. I can’t grasp any of it. I still kept on asking myself why since I knew. What he did is just pure selfishness for me. The girl don’t deserve any of that. Not a little. Not a single bit.

After all the courting, if there’s one.
After all the efforts, the love, the memories.
After all the sacrifices, the giving, the taking, and the time spent.
After everything, he left her just like that.

Because of youth?
Because of the time not given or the time lost?
Because of priorities?
Because of whatever self centered reason.
I cannot judge. I want to but I can’t. I know nothing.

Maybe he end it because it’s for the best?
Maybe he did it because he felt it’s not right anymore?
Maybe he left because that’s the right thing to do?
Maybe it’s all for her?

But heck when I saw his chats flirting with another girl after the break up?
I felt pity for his ex.
Damn those montesclaros!
Damn those girls with captivating looks.
Damn those boys who are easily snatched.
Damn those girls who knows no boundaries.

Maybe it’s fine because it’s over.
Maybe they could blossom the love that they have felt a year ago?
Maybe they could rekindle the fire that they almost have when they were in someones arms?
Maybe it’s fine. But is it wrong that I felt betrayed?

Is it because it is really wrong? Or was it because of the pain in the past.

I have never been loved at the beginning to be honest.
One of the montesclaros, the older sister has my boyfriends heart.
He kept on denying it, but I felt it.
Until such time I found out the truth. I found out that he loved her but saw her as out of his league.

It’s like a scar that opened after all the years.
Maybe it’s not about his brother.
Maybe it’s not about the girlfriend.
Maybe it’s not about the montesclaros.
Maybe it’s because of the dishonesty that hurts me so much that still made me cry and doubt his love until now.
Maybe it’s the pain of the broken trust.

🔚🔚🔚🔚🔚🔚🔚🔚🔚🔚🔚🔚🔚🔚🔚🔚🔚🔚🔚🔚🔚

credits photo: m.lovethispic.com/image/36310/she-is-broken-because-she-believed

Happy Birthday (Little things don’t matter)

Today is the day after your birthday.
I bought you a cake. I cooperated with your mom and sibling to surprise you. I’m the one who reserved the pension house they will stay in when they arrive. Everything is all set.

You are not surprised cause you see it coming. Plus your brother has given you confirmation about your mom arriving just for your day. I tried my best to hide it all but it didn’t work. I failed but it’s okay.

I saw your mom so happy seeing you. They greeted you a happy birthday. They gave you hugs and kisses. Then we walked to have some dinner in some fast food chain. As we walked I was left alone at the back, seemingly so out of place. But I understand. Your mom missed you and you missed her too.

Your mom ordered some food. You went outside to buy some mineral water. While you were outside they were preparing the happy birthday sign for the cake. I feel so nervous knowing that you hate those stuff but I let them cause mother’s knows best. You came and you looked so angry.

Your brows are about to be connected. I kept looking at you and I want you to calm down. I hold your hand but you only looked at me with hatred. I saw a text of your bestfriend telling you what’s the problem. I tried borrowing your phone and I saw that you texted her expressions to show how pissed you are. I don’t know but it felt so painful.

The day end and I thought everything is okay. We kissed and bid goodbye. I texted you how sorry I am but I got no reply. I got no thank you’s.

I don’t know how should I feel about this. My heart is just so broken that it feels like my effort are not appreciated. A simple thank you and a genuine smile would do. But I guess little things most of the times don’t matter.

🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂

credits: https://www.pinterest.ph/offsite/?token=234-870&url=http%3A%2F%2Finspiremebaby.com%2F2013%2F02%2F12%2Fcake-smash-idea%2F&pin=476677941790582021&client_tracking_params=CwABAAAADDgyNzQ2NzUzMDk5NgA

ACTRESS

Under the midnight moon I told you I’m a good actress. You dont agree. You laughed, contented of what you have believed in. I smiled thinking, if you only knew then you would understand. But I want you to remain ignorant, that way you would feel you have done the right thing for once. Me.

I always tell you that I can never lie infront of you. You always agree by saying my actions shows. But darling it’s only a part of a show. I am not good in lying but I’m at my best in pretending.

I cry myself every night when the clock ticks at two.
I always remind myself to put on a good mask, a happy one cause by that I won’t burden you.
I smile and laugh and make you feel that you have done everything right.
And baby sometimes you do but most of the time you don’t.

I am broken and yes I’m still hurt.
I still hate the girl that you loved before and the girl you chose over me.
I still question myself why I stay by your side.
My heart always shatter when you mention the word commitment.

But you didnt notice, did you?
I’m a good actress but you’ll never know.
Cause it takes a choice to know me.
It takes great love to dig deep within me.
And it takes commitment to remain patient for you to see.
Sadly you have given those three things to other things but me.

Will never be enough…

How can I compete to such a lovely lady like her?

How can I fight a battle that she already won?

How can I stop you from leaving if you have made up your mind?

How can I make you choose me when you already chose her from the beginning?

How can you love me if you love her?

How will you give us a chance if youre giving her one?

How can I stay at peace when I know you might fall in love?

How can our future be clear when youre still keeping her?

How can you be happy with her and not think of me?

How can you care for such girl that will never care for you?

She may be with you right now but she will leave.

That girl is temporary, she will be there until she will find her place.

I promised to give you my future.

I am willing to give up my name.

But instead of being thankful, you pushed me away with disgust.

Well I guess, maybe my self will never be enough for a life without that girl.

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

credits photo: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/29/bf/b2/29bfb2b6174e03b90d66b356c96387e1.jpg

TULA

Ang tulang ito ay para sa mga takot.
Takot magmahal, takot masaktan, at takot maiwan.

Ga? Asan kana?
Naka uwi kana ba?
Gabi na!
Asan ka ba?

Pa ulit ulit… Pa ulit ulit… Pa ulit ulit na nalang ba…

Asan ka ba?

Nandito ako, kasama ko siya.

Hindi na ako magtatanong pa. Dahil yun palang alam ko na.

Alam ko na na masaya ka dahil sa kanya.
Alam ko na na hindi mo ako kailangan dahil nandyan na siya.
Alam ko na na kaya mo akong tiisin kasi nga kasama mo siya.
Alam ko na. Di mo na kailangan pang ipag kaila.

Alam ko na ang mga mata mo ay nag niningning kapag nakikita mo siya.
Alam ko na ang mga ngiti mo ay sing tamis nang asukal kapag kasama mo siya.
Alam ko na parang kay dali ng oras na para bang ayaw mo ng natapos ito pag kayoy magkasama.
Alam ko na kaibigan mulang siya.

Pero Ga, tama na. Alam ko na.

Natatakot na ako.

Natatakot akong magmahal sayo.
Ay hindi! Mas natatakot akong magising sa araw araw…
Dahil sa bawat pag dating ng bukas ay mas mina mahal at minamahal at minamahal kita.

Natatakot ako sa bukas dahil natatakot akong masaktan.
Ay hindi! Mas natatakot akong nakikita kitang masaya ka, hindi dahil kasama mo ako kundi kasama mo siya.

Natatakot ako sa bukas na nakikita kang masaya, dahil natatakot ako na iwanan mo. Ay hindi! Mali na naman. Mas natatakot ako na magising ka sa katotohanan na hindi mo na ako kailangan.

Ga ang tulang ito ay hindi alay para sa iyo.
Hindi ako takot magmahal, hindi ako takot masaktan, at mas lalong hindi ako takot ma-iwan.

Mas takot ako na dumating ang bukas, bukas na masaya ka na walang ako, bukas na akoy hindi na ako ang kailangan mo.

Kung magsuslat man ako ng tula para sa iyo.

Ga, papamagatan ko ito ng Sana bukas ako parin, Sana bukas tayo parin, Sana bukas akin ka parin.

🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾

credits photo : https://angelesdeluna.tumblr.com/post/169571370345